The thing I would say that I probably struggle with the most following the loss of my pregnancy, appart from the cripling loss of the future I had imagined for my little family and my precious child, is that I have nowhere to grieve, or any propper way of going about doing so.
So few people know I was even pregnant, let alone that I lost the baby, that our grief is very private and isolated.
I would love to create something to commemorate my baby, but to do so would mean admitting my loss to the world, and I’m not ready for that.
Some hospitals offer commemoration certificates following the loss of a baby, other’s don’t offer anything, and the majority of miscarriages don’t require a death certificate. And a baby loss before 24 week’s of pregnancy does not have to be registered.
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There are many ways of commemorating your baby, such as:
- Speak out and talk about them, to your partner, your family, friends or in a support group. Even on a blog or website such as this one.
- Naming your baby can be hugely therapeutic, and offers a feeling of permanence that other memorials may not offer
- Write about your baby, about what you hoped for, your fears, your loss. Keep a diary, or you could even start a blog.
- A memorial sculpture for within the home (or the garden), there are many examples on Pinterest and Etsy.
- Many people imagine their babies as angels, and find having a statue of an angel to commemorate their baby comforting
- Jewellery, many jewellery makers are women who have experienced baby loss themselves, and there are many other retailers who also offer this service.
- Plant a tree or dedicate an area of garden.
- Get a memorial plaque or have a crystal engraved. If you have an ultrasound of your baby some places will engrave this for you.
- A tattoo, this is not for everyone, but for many it is a long lasting testament to a loved one which will be carried with them for life.
- Donate to a charity that means a lot to you, or that helps believed parents
- A park bench, somewhere you can go and dedicate a thought to your child.
- Commission art work, many artists will paint from ultrasounds, or just draw something meaningful with your babies aniversary.
- A Christmas ornament, there are lots of examples on Pinterest. This time of year can be particularly difficult, especially when it’s the first Christmas following your loss, or like me, you imagined telling your loved ones about your pregnancy during the holidays when everyone is together.
There are, I expect, many more ways of commemorating your baby, and if you can think of anything crucial that I may have missed feel free to comment.
Love and support always,
Surviving Miscarriage Together