With all the ‘what do you want for Christmases’ you get at this time of year, I have found that what we actually want isn’t going to happen.
Don’t get me wrong, paintbrushes, books, art supplies and socks really are wonderful, thoughtful distractions (I actually really love socks), but I expect that many people in the same position as me this year will have a Christmas list that looks a little more like this:
- To still be pregnant
- To get to tell my family about my baby
- To know what you would have looked like
- To be scared about the future, not wishing I was in the past
- To be thinking of names that you would one day get to hear. Not names only I and your daddy will know
- To not cry on Christmas
- Or New Years
- To know if I count on mothers day
- To have the strength to go on when 22.6.2017, your due date arrives without you
- To hold you just once in my arms and not my heart.
This was inspired by a post that I saw on another site, although unfortunately I didn’t think to make a note of it.
Writing down what you really want, even if you know you won’t get it can be very therapeutic. Being honest with yourself about how you are feeling is really really important when you are grieving.
It is fine to want these things, it doesn’t make you selfish or ungrateful or a bad person. It means you are human, just like the rest of us.
If you comment your own wishes and lists I will include some in upcoming posts.
Love and support always,
Surviving Miscarriage Together