5 happy things 25

I have been doing this for 25 weeks, not consecutively as was the plan but still. 25 weeks of honouring what has made me happy is a good thing. This weeks hapoy things are: 1. Butterflies 2. Yesterday evening I went to a BBQ and cuddled a 9 week old, deaf Dalmatian puppy called Luna. …

To My Sisters in Loss

"However this happened, there was an instant connection. There’s a wall that comes down when you meet someone who can truly say “I know your pain”. Someone who gets how hard those initial days are, the holidays, the anniversaries, the anxiety, the secondary losses, and the day to day struggles. You can commiserate and even …

Spectating room only

Many of the loss mums I first connected to following the loss of Emmet, are, now nearly a year later, pregnant again or anticipating the arrival of a rainbow baby, or are holding one in their arms already. Others have experienced another loss or losses. Only one other loss mum who I have got to …

Personal

I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.

5 happy things 24

This weeks 5 happy things are 1. My brother and his family were over in England from Germany this week in the same area we were on holiday so I saw my older brother, my sister in law, nephew and step niece. It was fantastic! We met up with them twice in one week. 2. …

I am officially a student

And I have just payed the down payment on my first apartment. I mean. It may be uni digs but look at me being an adult and moving out. I did the BIG UNI SHOP yesterday and it was mental. I own a toaster, and a Pyrex jug now. And about a hundred other things …

Strange days

I miss Emmet so much. I keep walking around lately thinking. This wouldn't be happening if Emmet was still here. It isn't the same as the 'I would have had a baby at this age' and 'we would be doing such and such' thoughts. They don't plague me as much as they used too. Just …

5 happy things 23

So this week has been a bit of a mess, ( a big mess for reasons I won'tgo into) but I have been in Bath for the weekend and it has improved my week no end! 1. I was given a C.1886 sewing machine to fix and do up which will keep me happy for …

Gift Wrap

I have had a great time in Bath this weekend, but despite that there were a few moments today where I was the #crazywoman crying in the street. The lowdown is this. Birthday cards. I saw an advert for Alice in Wonderland cards and went in, my bestie loves all things Alice and so I …