Just let me bring one home

Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone.

It is consuming this desire. Unabating.

Those feelings just don’t go away.

I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child.

It has been nearly a year since his loss and I so desperately want another baby. It can’t happen but that doesn’t stop the longing.

I want time to pass faster, to stop crawling by. Let me get past that final hurdle of motherhood that I can never pass with Emmet. I just want life to let me bring a child home.

My arms ache and my heart is full. I want to be a mother again. I want to no longer just dream of a family.

I bought this pin from Still a Mama’s website, I now await it’s arrival.

I need this tiny badge of honour. I need to be a mother but I don’t know how to do it with no baby on earth?

Where do I put this love and longing? I blog, I write, I use instagram, I make and I keep studying. I have my pets, my garden, my hobbies but nothing fills this gap.

It is nearly a year with these empty arms. Still no chance at a rainbow to ease this storm.

Still waiting.

Still a mama.