Personal

I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.

5 happy things 21

1. I held Emmets cousin Skye last Tuesday. She is adorable and I didn't have a meltdown. 2. I spent Monday to Friday with my partner and also saw him briefly on Saturday. Can't wait until after Uni so I can finally share a home with him -and get all of this vaguely long distance (Growing …

I held a baby! (And did other stuff that was not as scarey as I thought it would be.)

I held a baby! My partners niece, to be exact. She was born on the 1st, and I got to meet her on Tuesday this week.  It was surprisingly okay. She is cute AF, and I didn't cry in front of anyone or run away, which I was kind of worried about. Or have a …

Beautiful things 6.7.17

A selection of some of the beautiful things I have seen this week while camping in Cornwall ⛺

5 Happy Things 20

1. I got gel nails for the first time ever. I am very impressed. I have put up a tent and they're still not chipped! Frankly I am amazed. 2. I am on holiday in Cornwall and there is good weather. 3. I have a new Niece! Skye was born 1st June 2017! I am …

Massive break down

Navigating life at the moment is like trecking the Alps without a map in flipflops.

After 7 months

Today has been 7 months.

Five happy things 4

Then 'New Human' in the family is a girl and the in laws are calling her Skye. This makes me happy, being able to buy baby clothes with happy thoughts makes me feel like a ton of bricks has come off my chest after the grief of last week/ the last 3+ months. I spent …

Look up to the Skye and see…

Today I found out that my 'sister in law' (sorta. We'll call her this for simplicities sake) is having a baby girl, and that they plan to name her Skye. When I first learned that my brother and sister in law (on my partners side) were having a baby I was heartbroken, I felt so …