1 year and 11 months.

Dear Emmet, It's been a while since I let myself miss you. I try to live out my life as normaly as possible nearly two year on, although I always carry you with me. I kave your keepsakes in a box under my bed along with your sisters, and both of you have little knick …

Let’s talk mental health – Dissassosiation

I know I've been pretty sporadic in my posting, both here and on the 'gram, but I have been filling my days with as much as possible and not stopping because the sadness if waiting if I stop and until now I haven't really felt like facing it. I saw my niece of Tuesday, she's …

5 happy things 20.05.2018

I haven't blogged in a while but here goes. 1. The sunny weather is lovely. 2. I planted sunflowers, a dwarf variety for cut flowers and a tall verity. 3. I have begun packing for our holiday in Italy and its very exciting! 4. I used a lush bath bomb last night and it was …

22 letters to you, letter 14. Dear Réalta.

Dear Réalta, Today was a good day. I was woken up at 6.10am by the fire alarm, it was a drill, but I had to evacuate in my pyjamas and it was not fun and very cold. Bar that drama and a very abrupt start to my day, everything has been nice. I visited a …

22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.

Dear Réa, It is 9 days now until what would have been your due date. In some ways yours is easier than Emmets, as I was pregnant so briefly there was little time to imagine bringing you home. I knew you were already leaving our lives. The packs I am putting together to donate in …

22 letters to you. Day 11. Mother Day.

Dear Emmet and Réa, Today I started my day with a call from you daddy, which was exactly what I needed, but very early in the morning for me because I was still up by 4am the night before. I went back to bed for a few more hours after that. I spent a lot …

22 letters to you, day 12. Shodo and Hiragana

Dear Réa, Today I went to a Japanese Calligraphy class with my friends, it was spontaneous, well as spontaneous as I get, meaning I had a good 5 or so hours notice, and re-did my hair before we went out. I wasn't expecting to go out, but I think it was good for me not …

22 letters to you. A love letter to those who gave me the title ‘mother’ Letter 7.

Dear Réalta, I feel as if I should write to Emmet too, but these are your letters, and I have written him hundreds of his own. I put aside these 22 letters. One for each day in March leading up to what should have been your due date. For a long time I didn't know …

5 Happy things 5.11.17

My five happy things for this week are: 1. Dog cuddles. I was at my parents house and while I struggled a bit with my family and 💯 remember why I moved out in the first place it was good to see the pets. 2. I went on a date with my partner for the …

5 happy things is back

5 happy things is back. Long story short I was very low, very busy an generally a bit overwhelmed by life in General. I have started University and moved house twice in less than two months as I had a very poor experience in the first flat I was in. I was also dealing with …

What I have learnt

#22daysofhope Day 18 'What I have learnt' What have I learnt? I have learned that: -I am stronger than I think. -I can love deeper than I ever believed. -Who I truely trust and rely on. -Honesty is key. -That I have come a long way. -That this road does not end. -That it is …

Seasons

#22daysofhope Day 16. Seasons. (I have done every day on instagram but not on my blog. For mote content head over to @survivingmiscarrigetogether) Our seasons are Autumn and summer. When I think about it, everything seems to have changed so quickly in such a short amount of time. Emmets months are September and October, and …

Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only …

Who They are

#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him …

Tonight

Tonight I am in agony. Tonight I cannot sleep. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow tired and sore from lack of sleep but I can't. Tonight is one of those nights where I am just awake with no end in sight. I miss Emmet so much. I want him so …

Just let me bring one home

Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone. It is consuming this desire. Unabating. Those feelings just don't go away. I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child. It has …

Over sharing and bottle stacking

So today the topic of bottle stacking in windows as a competitive uni tradition came up at tea with my flatmates (and their various hangers on who continually congest the dining area with their drunken slovenly and irritating juvenile behaviour) 6 flatmates (and their friends) for stacking 1 against (me) Any of you who have …

Here comes Autumn you orange bastard

Apparently September 22nd is the first day of autumn. And while I would like to immerse myself in pumpkin and leaf everything, I now DO NOT LIKE AUTUMN. Post Oct 2016 loved it. Now ehhhhhh. Nope. Not feeling it. Because Autumn becomes October and I am pretending October isn't a thing. I want to. I …

5 happy things 25

I have been doing this for 25 weeks, not consecutively as was the plan but still. 25 weeks of honouring what has made me happy is a good thing. This weeks hapoy things are: 1. Butterflies 2. Yesterday evening I went to a BBQ and cuddled a 9 week old, deaf Dalmatian puppy called Luna. …

Spectating room only

Many of the loss mums I first connected to following the loss of Emmet, are, now nearly a year later, pregnant again or anticipating the arrival of a rainbow baby, or are holding one in their arms already. Others have experienced another loss or losses. Only one other loss mum who I have got to …