5 happy things 22

Going to do a few extra as I have been bad at keeping up to date with my 5 happy things a week lately. 1. Forest School was good fun. I genuinely enjoyed my time working there this summer. 2. Nephew cuddles every day for a week. Need I say more. 3. On the first … Continue reading 5 happy things 22

Can I take a nap through October?

In a perfect world, I would have a one month 6 day old newborn in my arms and keeping me up all night. I would not even be thinking about a first birthday yet. Instead I am alert to the fact that although October might seem still some distance off, it is getting ever closer … Continue reading Can I take a nap through October?

Absence

I know I have been somewhat absent from the blogging. I have posts half written but I can't seem to find anything left to finish them. Bar this one, but it's more of a 'such and such' has been happening rather than a 'I am feeling' post, which is what I'm currently failing to write. … Continue reading Absence

Cafe days and finding E’s

I love the display in this cafe window on the high street where my sister lives. I liked the lettering and took pictures of the E's. Should have done the other letters that are in his name, it could be good to try to find all of them in different places to make up name … Continue reading Cafe days and finding E’s

Too many moments

(I wrote this 4 days ago and I was really struggling. Today is fine but I had just had one of those days where the grief hit like a wave. ***Trigger warning. It may get a bit TMI in regards to miscarriage.*** It's a pretty good insight into what goes on inside my head on … Continue reading Too many moments

‘Personally I wouldn’t have bothered’ -Emmets Gran

Emmets Gran (EG)- Oh what are you making? Me- Occupational Therapist told me knitting was good, I'm making a cowel scarf, trying to do this checkered pattern. EG- Not another baby blanket then. Me- No Skye has enough I think. Any more and you'll have to dig her out of the blanket pile. EG- Another … Continue reading ‘Personally I wouldn’t have bothered’ -Emmets Gran

To which camp do I belong? 

So where do I fit? I don't really fit with the infirtility crowd that I mix with in this crazy club that is the baby loss community. My inability to have kids is not an inability to or a difficuly in achieveing pregnancy (although the success of such a venture is there to be debated... … Continue reading To which camp do I belong? 

Please don’t ask how old he is- he doesn’t have a birthday…

Ahhh. So it seemed like a good idea didn't it, to open my mouth when you asked what 'Emmet' meant. You, Mr. Well-Meaning-Random-Stranger are a both a blessing and a curse. You have seen me writing my Son's name, but you don't know it's a name because you ask me what it means. I bet … Continue reading Please don’t ask how old he is- he doesn’t have a birthday…

5 happy things 21

1. I held Emmets cousin Skye last Tuesday. She is adorable and I didn't have a meltdown. 2. I spent Monday to Friday with my partner and also saw him briefly on Saturday. Can't wait until after Uni so I can finally share a home with him -and get all of this vaguely long distance (Growing … Continue reading 5 happy things 21

Sandcastles and dinosar wellies 

This isn't really my story, it's my partners, as it was his dream. But here I am writing about it so I guess you'll just have to hear it from me second hand as it were. He told me this morning as I woke up  (very slowly, he is a morning person- I am not) … Continue reading Sandcastles and dinosar wellies 

I held a baby! (And did other stuff that was not as scarey as I thought it would be.)

I held a baby! My partners niece, to be exact. She was born on the 1st, and I got to meet her on Tuesday this week.  It was surprisingly okay. She is cute AF, and I didn't cry in front of anyone or run away, which I was kind of worried about. Or have a … Continue reading I held a baby! (And did other stuff that was not as scarey as I thought it would be.)

Beautiful things 6.7.17

A selection of some of the beautiful things I have seen this week while camping in Cornwall ⛺

5 Happy Things 20

1. I got gel nails for the first time ever. I am very impressed. I have put up a tent and they're still not chipped! Frankly I am amazed. 2. I am on holiday in Cornwall and there is good weather. 3. I have a new Niece! Skye was born 1st June 2017! I am … Continue reading 5 Happy Things 20

Day 30. Quiet #MWAH2017

Today's prompt is quiet. Sometimes I like the quiet, but mostly I am not good at being quiet. I like noise, life, sound. I always have music playing. Turning the radio on is the first thing I do in the morning, and one of the last things to go off at night.  I try not … Continue reading Day 30. Quiet #MWAH2017

Tomorrow a holiday.

Tomorrow morning at 'stupidearly' a.m I am off to Cornwall so I don't know how able I will be to blog.  I hope there is wifi, as I still have two days of #MayWeAllHeal to do, and I don't want to miss them. So if posts are late or I vanish eintirely for a couple … Continue reading Tomorrow a holiday.

Day 27. Soothe #MWAH2017

Soothe. Lots of things soothe me. Hugs from my partner, phone calls when you just need to hear someones voice. Post cards from my Grandma, always with serene photographs, the same loopy handwriting we struggle to decode, the same message of love and thoughtfulness in every immaculately straight line of print. Hearing birds sing outside, … Continue reading Day 27. Soothe #MWAH2017

Day 26. Love #MWAH2017

Love makes family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

Aptimill you can fuck off, and where can I get more chocolate Crepes?

Not doing great today. It's been 8 months and 4 days. 247 days since we lost Emmet. Mostly I am okay now. I cope fairly well, but today I put aside as a rest day, and I got left alone with my thoughts a little too long perhaps. Also remembered why I stopped watching live … Continue reading Aptimill you can fuck off, and where can I get more chocolate Crepes?

Day 24. Fragile #MWAH2017

Fragile. I felt very fragile after loosing Emmet, and I was physicaly fragile for a while too. Miscarriage fucking hurts 

A Shakey Faith and baby dreams 👼

Warning: contains reference to God, faith and christianity. If this is not for you, you have been warned.   On to the Blog Post! I dreamt about Emmet for the first time last night.  A little brown, curly haired kid with blue grey eyes. He was wearing navy blue I think,  but the rest of … Continue reading A Shakey Faith and baby dreams 👼