Tonight I am in agony. Tonight I cannot sleep. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow tired and sore from lack of sleep but I can't. Tonight is one of those nights where I am just awake with no end in sight. I miss Emmet so much. I want him so … Continue reading Tonight
I miss Emmet so much. I keep walking around lately thinking. This wouldn't be happening if Emmet was still here. It isn't the same as the 'I would have had a baby at this age' and 'we would be doing such and such' thoughts. They don't plague me as much as they used too. Just … Continue reading Strange days
I know I have been somewhat absent from the blogging. I have posts half written but I can't seem to find anything left to finish them. Bar this one, but it's more of a 'such and such' has been happening rather than a 'I am feeling' post, which is what I'm currently failing to write. … Continue reading Absence
I love the display in this cafe window on the high street where my sister lives. I liked the lettering and took pictures of the E's. Should have done the other letters that are in his name, it could be good to try to find all of them in different places to make up name … Continue reading Cafe days and finding E’s
(I wrote this 4 days ago and I was really struggling. Today is fine but I had just had one of those days where the grief hit like a wave. ***Trigger warning. It may get a bit TMI in regards to miscarriage.*** It's a pretty good insight into what goes on inside my head on … Continue reading Too many moments
Emmets Gran (EG)- Oh what are you making? Me- Occupational Therapist told me knitting was good, I'm making a cowel scarf, trying to do this checkered pattern. EG- Not another baby blanket then. Me- No Skye has enough I think. Any more and you'll have to dig her out of the blanket pile. EG- Another … Continue reading ‘Personally I wouldn’t have bothered’ -Emmets Gran
Ahhh. So it seemed like a good idea didn't it, to open my mouth when you asked what 'Emmet' meant. You, Mr. Well-Meaning-Random-Stranger are a both a blessing and a curse. You have seen me writing my Son's name, but you don't know it's a name because you ask me what it means. I bet … Continue reading Please don’t ask how old he is- he doesn’t have a birthday…
Light. I often light a candle for Emmet, either at home or one of the ones at the church or the Abbey. Yesterday I went to the Norfolk show and made one out of beeswax. It was a deep forest green, I lit it last night and let it burn out. Sometimes you need light … Continue reading Day 29. Light #MWAH2017
Broken. I have a thing for broken things. Broken objects. Broken animals. I try to fix everything. I want to go into Conservation of Cultural Heritage, which is basically fixing broken things, oy they are a bit more impressive than re painting my Mum's prized sugar tub. I hate it when something can't be fixed, … Continue reading Day 28. Broken #MWAH2017
Soothe. Lots of things soothe me. Hugs from my partner, phone calls when you just need to hear someones voice. Post cards from my Grandma, always with serene photographs, the same loopy handwriting we struggle to decode, the same message of love and thoughtfulness in every immaculately straight line of print. Hearing birds sing outside, … Continue reading Day 27. Soothe #MWAH2017
Celebrate. That's what we did on Thursday and it felt amazing to celebrate the too short lives of all the babies included in the #ForeverLoved project. It healed m soul to celebrate my baby. Some people might think I make too big a deal out of Emmets loss and his even shorter existence. They might … Continue reading Day 25. Celebrate #MWAH2017
Fragile. I felt very fragile after loosing Emmet, and I was physicaly fragile for a while too. Miscarriage fucking hurts
A wonderful and informative article from Limdsey from 'a pinch of yum'. Hi, my name is Lindsay. Mother’s Day is coming up and I’m thinking about this a lot because I am that friend. The one who lost a baby. I am probably the friend who you’re tiptoeing around. I might be the friend who has become a major … Continue reading What to do when your friend looses a baby.
This is how we parent. This is how we love. This is our life after loss.
22nd June 2017. #ForeverLoved Balloon Project photographs! If you would like to be included next year, please comment and names/dates you would like remembered, and contact details (email only please) if you would like a photographic copy of your babies name. Please note that it could be a while after June 22nd 2018 that you recieve your photos, as we are a two person team, who both have busy schedules, especially if we beat our target of 400 names for next year!
Well. Here we are. Welcome to hell. Just have to get through today. Looking forward is probbably the wrong way to describe it, but I am 'anticipating' out balloon project later today. #ForeverLoved
We thought we would be meeting Emmet tomorrow...
A huge thank you to Crystal from Living Through Our Loss, who has featured Emmet in her Averie's Angel friends page.
I was surprised to find beauty today amongst this weeks crazy, but I did and here it is.
Yesterday my Partner and I had a long emotional talk. This week is a shit storm already. Whoop de do, we both have exams and our lost baby would be due. Great... Yesterday I asked my Partner if it was totally stupid that I think of he and Emmet as my boys. Even though we could never know their gender. Turns out he thinks pretty the same way I do about them and so I was Happy/Sad crying half the night. He thinks of them as a tiny boy playing in the living room with plastic dinosaurs.